I have the honor of writing a monthly piece for TwinTalks.com. The opportunity has been huge for me, as I love writing, and getting to write about my girls is just fantastic. This past month, however, my piece took a very personal turn. When suggesting topics for the month, I brought up how having twins has and is changing the way I view my body. My editor loved the idea, and that became my topic.
I knew in discussing the ways that twins changing my body has changed my view of my body, I would have to publicly delve into my eating disorder. Yeah, I’m one of those people. I was very sick for a very long time, sometimes physically, sometimes mentally, sometimes both at the same time. I’ve been in recovery now for about 10 years, and there have been many things that have helped me along the way and moved me toward a healthier reality, but none in quite as powerful a way as having Z and R has. I won’t go too much into all that right now, since my other article isn’t published yet. Suffice it to say, they are my number one motivation to stay healthy.
What really got me was the nerves though. As I sat that Saturday night, writing out all my thoughts, editing, and finally clicking ‘submit’, I was practically shaking from nerves. I’ve never talked about this in such a public way. Or really, much at all. Once that piece is published, a pretty large audience is going to know about my struggles. A lot of people might judge. People I know personally who follow my posts may feel differently about me. But a lot of people may read my story and realize that their pasts can make them stronger, and that they can become the healthy, happy role models that their children need. They may be encouraged and reminded that the past is the past and that they can continue to move forward and heal. They may realize that they’re not alone when the physical and mental strain of pregnancy and childbirth is daily altering their body, barely giving them the time they need to become familiar with their new selves before changing yet again. So I went ahead and wrote.
My daughters are my motivation every day. I want to be the role model that they need, and that keeps me going every day.
So soon, everyone will know a little more about my past. Not everyone may like it, but it is what it is. I just hope and pray that it may be able to help someone else a little further along their path of healing and health.